[M25] Why do people "punish" their partners (emotionally, physically) when offended? No tearing details inside, just the question.
2018.09.30 18:32 bbminner [M25] Why do people "punish" their partners (emotionally, physically) when offended? No tearing details inside, just the question.
Tl;dr I just realized that I completely can not relate to my wife "punishing" me emotionally when I make her upset. She would say all the worst things and so things that she knows would hurt and humiliate me. People of reddit also who do that, why?
General thoughts that apply to anyone listed below:
She's emotional, I know. But I can not understand why would anyone do that deliberately to the person he/she loves. Even when angry. Isn't it the same thing as husbands that are abusive physically when they're drunk? Sure, they lose control, but does it mean that they need to control themselves really hard to not hurt or humiliate their partner? What kind of love that is?
I'm not saying that these things (physical and emotional abuse) are equal. I'm saying that they both aim at humiliating the other.
When she offendes me, and usually this happens after me saying to her directly "please stop now, or I will be angry at you" several times (and that happens very rarely), and then she still does it, or when she deliberately says nasty things to me when angry, knowing that these are sensitive issues to me - I just start questioning whether I am with the right person and keep silent for some time. And then I decide that regardless, >90% of time she does not do that, and I love her, and look, she made some pancakes, and everything goes back to normal.
And never ever in my life, even when I get emotional and feel deeply humiliated or not valued properly, I thought that I want her to suffer right now, because of the "suffering" (may sound too pathetic) she inflicted upon me. Because I love her. She is the person I care about deeply. Doing something bad to her is like doing it to myself. I would rather do something bad to myself to release negative emotions, rather then think about hurting her.
I just don't understand. Since the picture of a woman that does something like this to a man is so frequent in movies and books, I thought that wemen (or men who do that) of reddit could give me an answer.
Just in case, I don't think I'm in an "abusive relationship". There's no "power thing" happening apart from situations when we argue.
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2018.09.07 22:38 GallowBoobGetALife CMV: wemen are more picky then men in their choice of partners not because of the limited number of eggs
2018.08.20 23:27 DeltaBot Deltas awarded in "CMV: wemen are more picky then men in their choice of partners not because of the limited number of eggs"
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2018.08.20 08:22 LoonyLeader CMV: wemen are more picky then men in their choice of partners not because of the limited number of eggs
I always thought that that explanation is wrong. As far as I know ( googled) they on avarage start out with hundreds of thousands of them and only use a couple of hundreds throughout their life. An alternative explanation on the other hand is that they end up spending 9 months pregnant, which is a huge disadvantage when it comes to physical abilities. For example you can't gather food or run away from a dangerous situation as effectively. Another good reason is that it is a huge risk to your life (a lot of women die while giving birth) to give birth. Regardless of if the number of eggs is a limitation for some other species, it isn't REALLY for humans. Edit: spell check Edit 2: a lot of people here argue that women aren't pickier, but that's not what the heart of the question for me is. Here's another formulation that might make things clearer. My viewpoint is that limited number of eggs women had wasn't an evolutionary force that shaped women's sexual behaviour in any significant way. Please change my view on that
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2016.08.13 19:05 999avatar999 [Algorithms] I'm not sure if this is the correct sub to post this but I figured the people here would apreciate this "riddle"
Hopefully, I can word it as clearly as pssible;
Lets say we have have some a number n of man and the same number of wemen and we want to pair them all up so in the long time we prevent all breakups.
To do this, we give everyone a table from 1 to n and they have to order everyone from the other gender according to their preference. (the higher the better)
After doing so, let's say there are 10 men and 10 women. Let's say I get together with Britney who was 7 on my list but I was only her 5. Then, she meets Peter, who is her 8 but he won't get together a her because he is already dating Alice who is his 9 and Britney is only his 5.
To simplify this, given all the lists from both genders, we have to find an algorith that will pair them all up so noones partner will leave them. To say this differently, everyone higher on your list than your current partner has to be dating someone who is higher in their list than you are.
And the conditions (not sure if that is the correct word) are :
- Noone can change their list after writing it down
- Even datign the worst partner is better than being single
- Everyone will go after a better offer if they get the chance
- After pairing up, there cannot be two pairs for which, the man from the first pair and woman from the second (or vice versa) prefers the other partner over their own.
If you are given all the list, without going trough all the options, what algorithm do you use find everyone their optimal partner?
is the list I was given, but I don't want the solutin, I want the way how to find the solution. (the top table are men's preferences, the bottom one are women's nad the higher a person is in a list mens they more you want then the other people lower than them)
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2015.09.22 20:22 DrProfessor_Hammy All Terpers Are Like That, Episode One! Let's talk about confirmation bias, histrionic personality disorder, and Fishing Technique.
I'd like to hampster a scientific approach, of at least the validity of a freshman psychology major. That's just the goal, of course, because we all know I'm sexually/mentally incapable of even that basic collegiate thinking.
Those red pill men - where does the confirmation of the ideas come from?
I'd like to talk about three camps. Confirmation bias, histrionic personality disorder, and the wide netted fisherman.
1. Confirmation Bias Bros.
These folks interpret information to encourage their own preconceptions. Results are irrelevant if the conclusion is the same! Man feels secure with his wife? She's probably cheating on him. Man feels insecure with his wife? She's probably cheating on him. Applied terper style to any relationship situation, and this lovely force of reason can extract the 'trp truth' regardless of the 'actual situation', even if the reality is a perfectly healthy life.
A curious animal indeed, they further seek out stories to suit their own. This, I argue, is the source of the upvotes and some text posts on terper subreddits.
2. All Wemen Are Like That
Whether we like it or not, there is
a segment of people that act pretty close to how terpers describe all women. We call this set of actions and beliefs Histrionic Personality Disorder
, described as a "dramatic, emotional" Cluster B personality disorder. It's marked by major traits including:
- Need to be the center of attention with self-dramatization
- Inappropriate sexual seductiveness
- Excessive need for approval
- Emphasis on physical appearance
- Excessive emotionality
- Speech lacks detail and is excessively impressionistic (childlike speech overall)
- Aggrandizing, but insincere, relationships that are considered more intimate than they actually are
- Suggestibility and easily influenced by others or circumstance
- Display la belle indifference (naive, inappropriate lack of emotion or concern for the perceptions by others of one's disability), seemingly indifferent detachment, and will describe dramatic physical symptoms/problems.
Not surprisingly, histrionic personality disorder is in the same class as narcissistic personality disorder (the topic of next week's episode; be excited!) but very different in that narcissists want control where histrionics want attention.
How does one with this disorder behave?
- Going to extremes for attention demands
- Displaying extreme emotion continually, 'always on'
- Disingenuous conversation
- Chronic lying
- Vapid behaviour
- Victim Role
Who is out typical histrionic queen? You guessed it - ALL WOMEN! Actual examples
could include Regina
from Mean Girls, Daisy from Great Gatsby, or both protagonists of Mr. and Mrs. Smith. This is a group I almost feel sorry for. Much like the folks at the 'raised by narcissists' sub, those people in 'relationship with histrionics' really had a rough go. If that's your exposure to the world of relationships, even a normal person could be worn down into a terper like mental outlook over time and be a sort of 'true believer' in that type of broken world. It's a rough path on either side of that sort of relationship and may require psychiatric treatment.
But a world where all of one gender have histrionic personality disorders? Welcome to "Playing The Numbers"!
3. Fishin for Females
Some advice columns and seduction 'manuals' for men suggest playing the numbers. It's not a terrible idea - someone for everyone and all that. However
, let's consider that horrid people might also be playing the numbers. Casting a wide net, in this situation, can have an interesting effect. Our social networks are broad in the modern world, and we're as likely to end up with someone from another continent as someone from our childhood block.
If a person searches far and wide while maintaining the 'terper frame', such as sandals we can bet on the type of partner they will attract. The partners involved may or may not have an actual personality disorder, but the general worldview developed over time is the same. Women respond to this? It must be right! The women I'm attracting have severe emotional problems? Must be all women! Nobody pays attention to the person actively searching.
But I'm sure if you lift more (appearance), become more pseudodominant (dramatic / suggestibility), expect outbursts (emotionality), treat partners like children (victim role) and concentrate on income above all... that would only attract normal people, right? You don't need any sort of personality, interesting traits, or otherwise social compatibility! This, I argue, is the source of field reports and just builds up that confirmation bias.
DISCLAIMER: I have sarcasm laced throughout but not the entire writeup. Interpret at your own risk. I refuse to /s tag because I believe in you, the reader, and your own competency. Fuck laugh tracks.
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